Twinkle twinkle

I don't have my girls. They are at daycare. I miss them already. It is difficult to focus on the tasks ahead of me. It is difficult to tear myself away from just feeling glum and sorry for myself.
I am mad at my ex. Separation and divorce are absolutely stupid ideas. I am mad that I don't get to have the kids, the husband, the happy home, the support.
I just have to keep pluggin' away.
As Rumi says "Keep walking, though there's no place to get to" & "Mysteries are not meant to be solved".
I feel as if I am floating on a sea of emotion, being tossed one way and then as soon as I orient myself with my direction, I am tossed into another random previously unknown direction. I felt jealous today, about a friend of mine. It was unexpected to feel this related to him, and I realized that I care more than I should about something he did.
What is with male relationships being so compelling and so complicated at the same time?
I realize that the relationships that are around me are the ones that I depend on and that grow and that are supportive. The relationships which are not around, simply pass, they aren't vehicles for mutual growth. My children are examples of the first kind. Even though I am clearly the one supporting and nurturing them, it is also clearly an interdependent relationship. I don't rely on them, but their presence, their love, their joy, their need supports me. And spiritually, they are a strong source of support and I can rely on them in that realm. Praise be to God for my wonderful children and for this dynamic of unity in our single parent family.
It tough not being with them.
How does a partner (a husband) fit into this picture? I don't see what that might look like.
I am grateful that I am not in a disunited marriage. It is a most painful place to feel disunity. Marriage is the one relationships upon which all relationships in society are built. We sense it on an intuitive, gut level how important the maintenance of unity in that relationship is. And it is devastating when our efforts do not yield the desired outcome, the sought after goal.
I am an excellent mother. I am an excellent wife. A wife without a husband.
Rumi also says not to be to eager to give up your loneliness, for it is in this loneliness that we grow closer to God. That works for me. The heart was created for loving God. The only true loneliness is of the lover separated from her Beloved. And the Beloved is an eye twinkle away, at all times. Ya Baha'u'lla-Abha!