The year is over in three days. I feel great. I feel like I have climbed a really tall, arduous, steep, mountain and now I am looking at the view and it's stunning!
I feel like everyone should do a year of waiting. I feel like I have so much insight into life, marriage, relationships, my self, spiritual development. I am grateful for this year. It's like the quote about "outwardly it is fire and vengeance, but inwardly it is light and mercy" that is what I feel like. Like I went through something which appears to be awful on the outside, but inside it is beautiful and rewarding. I am so blessed to have stayed steadfast and grown through this process. Praise be to God.
The way I think about friendships with guys has really changed now too. There used to be much more sexual tension in my male friendships, now, I can just be friends with guys more and get to know them in ways that I couldn't previously. The relationship can develop and we can develop spiritual bonds of love. That is where I am at now. I just want to explore friendships and spiritual love. Perhaps one day I will have a close close friend, and perhaps we can marry, if we choose to. But for now, I feel like there is absolutely no point to marriage. Why would I want to live with someone? Why would I want all the conflict that is inherent in modern marriages? None of my relationships have grown to the point of being spiritual enough to base a marriage on. May God grant that they will develop into spiritual unions.
