This is so amazing. The two processes of one pattern of behaviour passing, happened simultaneously, with another one growing. Through the course of this year, by not being able to grow in any co-dependent areas, I have grown actual healthy friendships. And I actually know what healthy relationships that aren't codependent look like! Praise be to God!
This makes me think of the old world and the new world. My way of relating to romantic relationships was analogous to "old world" and this new way of having healthy relationships is analogous to "new world". I am still learning, I am not there yet, I am still in the process of growing healthy relationships, I don't know if I will ever be "there". Likely for years to come I will still be learning health patterns, truly I am a pioneer in new lands. I have broken the cycle. I am the first in my immediate family to be learning healthy patterns of communicating and relationships. This expedition into new emotional landscapes, landscapes which are built upon justice, respect and fairness will continue. And my children will continue it.
This is the same process as what we see happening around us in modern civilization. The current systems which were developed over the last 1000 years served well when we were a planet comprised of nations, however, now that we are a planet comprised of one people and one country, we see these systems failing. And we, as Baha'is, are offering an alternative. We don't know what it will look like yet, but it will be based upon our newest Revelation and it will be something like nothing we can imagine, as it will be completely transforming. Just like, me as a relationship addict / alcoholic / substance abuser could never even attempt to imagine what life would look like without those addictions and obsessions. It's like being blindfolded and having the blindfold gently removed, or like having gentle eye surgery and you suddenly begin to see a new world. The amazing thing about it is that the growth is so gentle and beautiful. Of course when you are growing, it's full of struggle and strife - but that's just the nature of it. When you begin to see the progress that you have made you realize that the struggle was so insignificant when compared to how far you have come. And that is solely based on the grace of God. The growth is disproportionate to the struggle. It's not a fair equation. God is the All-Merciful, the Lord of Grace. Truly, the" true lover yearneth for tribulation"!
Just like the modern systems served us as civilizations, co-dependent relationships served us over the last 1000 years as well. It's wonderful that we are being forced to develop new relationships. I finally just caught my first glimpse of why divorce is permissible. In order to allow one soul to grow, when it's partner could not/ would not. My parents screwed up, they didn't do their marriage or their divorce right. Neither one has grown. In this case it is reprehensible to both. I am growing. I did everything I could have done in my marriage, and still am. And, Praise be to God, I remained steadfast. And through that, there have been undeserving bounties showered upon me. It makes sense to me now why the divorce rate is so high. We are learning how to have healthy relationships, this is just another sign of the current order crumbling and a new one being raised up. And we as Baha'is are on the apex of that growth, so that we can serve as guides through our actions, to others.
This is so amazing. Thanks be to Thee, O God, for letting me see and understand this.
I still don't know what the answer is to the original questions I posed 7 months ago, "how to get through a YOW". I'll keep thinking about it, I imagine, that perhaps by the time I write my last entry for this YOW I will have some sort of advice to offer.
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