Lamb

Almost 2.5 months left till the end of the YOW. And I don't feel as tense about it anymore. I feel more at peace with the passage of time. It will pass, and it will go out calmly and meekly, not like it came in. It's like March, in like a lion, out like a lamb. That's how this year came in and will likely go out. This year has been a period of marking time, of active waiting. What will happen in the fall when I am not waiting for anything anymore? Am I sensing the start of that again in myself? Previous to this YOW I didn't count time the same way, I am not sure anyone really does, other than prisoners. But I trusted in the process and in letting the time pass, and I let it pass very intensely, which is how I do all things. And I've learned that time does pass and I've learned patience and allowing things to pass, detachment too. I feel almost as if the year is starting to be over already. There will be no grand finale, it will simply slowly peter out. It's peaceful.
I can almost say that I am watching my marriage pass and the passing is peaceful. Like the passing of a dear loved one. There is great emotion that accompanies it, and there always will be. Will my marriage exist still, in the spiritual realm, just like souls exist even after they pass from this world? I hope so. My DH and I should always exist as a unit. I love him dearly. I always will. I don't agree with his choices, I don't support his actions, or how he chooses to live his life, but I love him. And I will love him forever. Hence, our marriage will exist on some level forever. There is comfort in knowing that. There is comfort in knowing that the joy we experienced when we met and fell in love will always be there between us and in the spiritual realm, that will be what remains.

O God, my God! This Thy handmaid is calling upon Thee, trusting in Thee, turning her face unto Thee, imploring Thee to shed thy heavenly bounties upon her, and to disclose unto her Thy spiritual mysteries, and to cast upon her the lights of Thy Godhead.
O my Lord! Make the eyes of my husband to see. Rejoice Thou his heart with the light of the knowledge of Thee, draw Thou his mind unto Thy luminous beauty, cheer Thou his spirit by revealing unto him Thy manifest splendors.
O my Lord! Lift Thou the veil from before his sight. Rain down Thy plenteous bounties upon him, intoxicate him with the wine of love for Thee, make him one of Thy angels whose feet walk upon this earth even as their souls are soaring through the high heavens. Cause him to become a brilliant lamp, shining out with the light of Thy wisdom in the midst of Thy people.
Verily, Thou art the Precious, the Ever-Bestowing, the Open of Hand.
‘Abdu’l-Bahá

Ya Baha'u'llah Abha!