It pains me to no end, the thought of him. The loss of him. The longing for him. I'm practically good for nothing else, I have to take care of my kids, and am doing a reasonably good job at that, I have to take care of the house, the food, it seems to me that just the bare necessities are getting done this year. Shivers. Tears. Aches. How can I go on without him? I've really fallen for him. And I don't even know if it is real. Perhaps it's simply a coincidence? No one else's presence affects me this way. Is it just a trick of the mind that has made me feel this way? Is there anyway out of this pain, is really the sub-text that my mind is asking. Love is transforming, and with it brings pain. To love him, to truly accept how I feel about him, brings with it immense pain. For I must forsake him, I must renounce him. I cannot have him. I must literally tear myself away from him. To have found someone whom I love and to not be able to be fully hold that in his presence is crushing, to not be able to embrace that, to not utter a word of that reality, to not share that with him. It was all I could do to keep from crying when he first arrived. I felt like the wind had rushed through me, like I had lost myself entirely, like I had become vaporous, a formless being, evanescent. Dastam bagir, Abdul-Baha, I prayed while around him. And as hard as it is to be around him, I yearn for it. For in being close to him, and feeling the pain that it brings, I come closer to God. And I can intimately know God. And so I feel drawn towards him, like a moth to a flame. Even though it hurts to be around him, to not be around him hurts more, for at least when I am around him I feel the sharp sweetness of the pain. Is that masochistic? Whatever it may be, it is true. Although, perhaps, the pain is only sweet if it comes from God, not if I arrange it. Like today, it was not in my plans, it just happened that our paths crossed. And from that crossing I had the bounty of drawing closer to God, of feeling myself walk that sharp path.
O God! Your sweet darts of pain. Piercing my heart. Piercing my soul. It is only in the pain that I feel Thy love. The agony of death on Thy path. The ecstasy of birth through death. O God, please guide my steps, guide my thoughts, make me a cause of bounty to the human world despite the minor difficulties I am asked to bear. Cause me to be devoted to Thy Beauty, withdraw me from all else save Thee. Let me quaff, O my God, in Thy path, whatsoever Thou didst desire. Help me to serve Thee. Help me to love Thee. Thou art Powerful and Kind, Thou are the Bestower, the Generous, the Lord of Surpassing Bounty.
"The heart that is free of love sickness isn't a heart at all. The body deprived of the pangs of love is nothing but clay and water" - Jami
Whatever you taste of love, in whatever manner, in whatever degree - it is a tiny part of Divine Love. Love between men and women is also a part of the Divine Love. But sometimes the beloved becomes a curtain between love and realization of true love. One day that curtain will lift and then the real Beloved, the real goal will appear in all Divine glory.
What is important is to have this feeling of love in your heart, in whatever from and shape. It is also important that you be loved. It is easier to love than to be the beloved. If you have been in love you will certainly reach the Beloved one day" - Sheikh Muzaffer
"Lovers convere with people only as much as they need to. For the most part, they prefer to be alone and by themselves, for they yearn for intimate communion with the Beloved. They are constantly in meditation. They do not enjoy excessive converation and always prefer not to talk. They do not understand conversation about anything other than God.
When they encounter misfortune, they do not grumble and complain. They know that misfortune comes from the Friend, and see the benefits contained in seeming misfortune. Divine Love has possessed them, and they have plunged lovingly into the fire of love. Going barefoot, bareheaded, and poorly clad does not worry them at all.
They hear no words but the words of God. They never cease from the remembrance of God. Everywhere they behold God's Beauty. Their aim is God alone, and their desire is God's good pleasure." - Sheikh Muzaffer
"Glory to Thee, O my God! But for the tribulations which are sustained in Thy path, how could Thy true lovers be recognized; and were it not for the trials which are borne for love of Thee, how could the station of such as yearn for Thee be revealed? Thy might beareth me witness! The companions of all who adore Thee are the tears they shed, and the comforters of such as seek Thee are the groans they utter, and the food of them who haste to meet Thee is the fragments of their broken hearts.
How sweet to my taste is the bitterness of death suffered in Thy path, and how precious in my estimation are the shafts of Thine enemies when encountered for the sake of the exaltation of Thy word! Let me quaff in Thy Cause, O my God, whatsoever Thou didst desire, and send down upon me in Thy love all Thou didst ordain. By Thy glory! I wish only what Thou wishest, and cherish what Thou cherishest. In Thee have I, at all times, placed my whole trust and confidence.
Raise up, I implore Thee, O my God, as helpers to this Revelation such as shall be counted worthy of Thy name and of Thy sovereignty, that they may remember me among Thy creatures, and hoist the ensigns of Thy victory in Thy land.
Potent art Thou to do what pleaseth Thee. No God is there but Thee, the Help in Peril, the Self-Subsisting." - Baha'u'llah
"Wells of tears are the eyes of the lovers, whilst charming indifference is the response of the objects of their desires. Shouldst the lover cry out with pain hundreds of times over, the beloved shall only add to the anguish of the lover. Shoudst thou desire to drink of the Cup of Reunion, thou must submit to evanescence; and if thou wishest to partake of the Wine of His beauty, thou must enter the valley of privation." - Baha'u'llah
"I swear by Thy majesty, O my Lord, that these calamities are sweeter than the sweetest nectar, and more desirable than the breath of life; for unless those longing after the Ka‟ba of reunion transcend the limits of grandeur, they shall not delight in the joy of the manifestation of Thy beauty. Unless they quaff their fill from the chalice of selflessness, they shall not enter the threshold of immortality. Unless they attire themselves with the garb of poverty in the path of Thy good pleasure, they shall not be blessed with the exalted cloak of riches. Unless they are afflicted with the ailment of fervid love; they shall not discover the abode of healing. Unless they renounce their earthly home, they shall not ascend to the land of divine holiness. Unless they die to the perpetual desert of desire, they shall not attain life eternal. Unless they take refuge in the land of abasement, they shall not find the path to the heaven of exaltation. Unless they taste of the venom of separation, they shall not savour the sweetness of divine presence; and unless they traverse the wilds of remoteness and bereavement, they shall not abide secure in the cities of nearness and reunion." - Baha'u'llah
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