Sanctity

I got confirmation today that my husband is actually sleeping in the same bed as this other woman. It was a high probability, knowing that two opposite gendered adults were living together, one a single parent and the other a man having marriage trouble, that they would be sleeping together. However, I was still holding out hope that perhaps this wouldn't be true, that perhaps he would still be doing the right thing, or trying to, at least struggling to. It is a shock, and very saddening to receive confirmation that this is true. And what a horrible example to set for the children! It saddens me deeply that he is taking these deliberate steps against the marriage and not honoring it's sacredness at all. Do our marriage vows mean nothing to him?
I want to get angry, call her a trollop, be mad at her. When really it is unfaithfulness to the marriage. It is adultery. It is a reprehensible action. Where are the pure, brave hearts to call this for what it is? Where are the upholders of justice? Of purity? Of sanctity? Anger is a secondary response. It is a defensive emotion. My true emotion is pain. Deep pain, abandon, dishonor, disrespect.
I cry. I mourn. My heart aches. My heart breaks. No matter what actions he takes, he cannot hurt the marriage. Marriage is a spiritual creation, it can only be dissolved, never hurt. Our marriage is as beautiful now as it ever was. But he is simply choosing to be unfaithful to it.
My dear friend commented that it might be useful to reflect on what actions would need to take place for me to even consider taking him back at this point. I know that we could work through any problem, as long as we were working together. First of all, he would have to move into an apartment alone, a bachelor suite or one bedroom, we'd have to attend counseling, he'd have to stop seeing that other woman, he'd have to apologize, recognize his mistake. From there, we could attempt to rebuild our marriage. I would be willing to try.
I just can't believe that this is the path he is choosing to walk down. Walking away from me, I can understand, walking away from his children, I don't get at all. He's got them calling her a step-mother now. That looks like a very serious relationship. That scares me. It scares me for their emotional and spiritual well-being. They are still very young and need to be kept close to me.
I feel lost. Forlorn. Forsaken. Alone.
Images run through my mind of them together, their bodies intertwined, limbs wrapped about one another, bodies connected. He is my husband ! How can she sleep with him? How can she be a willing participant in trampling his marriage? There really is no understanding of what marriage is in society - I see that people don't respect it, or honor it. It is simply a physical bond, something convenient, something you do when you want to live with someone, but not something that is necessary.
I feel so sad. I feel such loss.
I want also to be held. I want also to move on, to run away.
May Almighty God grant that this experience be used as a light to guide people to discernment and to the Path of God.
It sickens me.
"The drunkenness of passion hath perverted most of mankind: Where are the dayspring of purity, O Desire of the worlds?"