I cut it off with boy. It was totally getting out of hand. I am glad that I made that step. I told him that I like him a lot, more than I should, and that in order to remain steadfast and to really honor my YOW I needed to not be around him, so I'd be basically ignoring him for the next 4 months, and I was letting him know so that he didn't think that he had done anything wrong, indeed he'd been very sweet. It was a hard thing to do.
I feel sort of beside myself. It will take some getting used to. It feels like a break-up. Although, the difference is that there aren't any hurt hearts.
He said he's not offended. What would make him be offended? Offended is the last thing I would expect him to be. Someone else, maybe, but not him. I would expect him to totally understand. And then I said, I have to go, and he said, take care. There was so much emotion in those two phrases of his. It was very loving and caring, very sweet.
I know that whatever happens, the relationship is still safe. Not like with other boyfriend break-ups the relationship does not survive. I felt the love that we have, it won't go anywhere. I feel like I haven't lost a friend.
And coming to this decision went against every natural instinct and desire in me, it totally went against the grain.
After standing next to him at the wedding, I felt nauseous and faint. I realized then that I couldn't ignore this anymore.
So, now, new lands. Where will this YOW lead me next? I'm in places I've never been before. It feels great. Ya Baha'u'llah-Abha !
xoxo
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