Principle

I'm in love with this other man. Sigh. If there is adultery in the YOW the YOW doesn't have to be observed. There is clear adultery here. Now, I am just waiting on the Institutional process for confirmation of if it is applicable here.
As for this other guy, I had to be next to him during a very emotional ceremony the other day, it nearly killed me to not be able to connect to him emotionally and express my feeling to him. "I got it bad, and that ain't good". I spoke with him recently about our relationship - he says we can be friends, but then he doesn't make steps to make the friendship closer, but then the reality of when we are together is a very close kinship and bond. It's confusing to me. Mixed signals. I challenged him a little on it. He declared that friendships need to happen naturally, and accused me of pushing and changing. I retorted that perhaps he's not embracing it or he's resisting. He brought up what I'd said months ago about doubting if men and women could even be friends. I said I'd changed my mind on that point. The fact is that I think we can be friends. I think it would require a tremendous amount of thoughtfulness and care to remain aware of emotions. But to me, being friends with him, is separate from my marriage (assuming I am even still married). Marriage is a commitment. Once married you work through any problem that arises. There are always solutions, with enough creativity and determination, any challenge can be successfully won. Everything in life is like that. The issue I see, is that generally, people lack the creativity and determination to make things happen. And of course, you can't make someone do something, so you are only responsible for what you can effect your own determination upon. So looking at this circumstance. I attempted to affect the friendship with him, he's not into it. He claims he's too busy. He brought up a bunch of points, which I rallied back and in the end he said he's busy, he doesn't have time to be closer friends. Am I wrong? Is he right? At one point he said that issues which I'd raised on the past are still relevant. So I said, so are you saying it's better for us not to be friends right now? He dodged it and said better hasn't got anything to do with it, he doesn't have time. Was I wrong to have that conversation with him? To seek some clarity? I don't think I was. Of course the result is not what I would have my cherished outcome to be. But it's still something. At least, the frustration is clear. At least I've asserted what I want from the relationship. It probably could have been executed smoother, however, at least it did get done. I feel kind of sorry for him. I think it's a difficult situation for him. He's never been in a relationship before. He's a guy. He's young. Here's this older woman, strong, confident, experienced, but also in a YOW with her husband, telling him that she wants a closer relationship with him. I can see him wanting to back away from that. The situation is totally unclear. I feel tense, but I am glad I spoke with him.
The fact is that I'm in love with him. Maybe he's right. Maybe we can't be friends. It's all so cloak and dagger, we can't speak frankly sue to the YOW restrictions. I would keep my feelings in my heart for my entire life if it my husband would want to commit to this marriage and work on it with me. They are just feelings, they are just of this world, and this world passes away, this life passes by quicker that a twinkle of an eye. In the spiritual world the love can exist more purely and I would be able to hold my head up high, knowing that I had not sacrificed principle for my own ego.
I do understand his position in a sense. He has to step away from this. He has to put those boundaries in. He's a guy, he can't handle too complicated emotional situations. Women are better at that. And he doesn't want to sacrifice principle either.
I actually don't want a relationship with him. This is worth clarifying as one might assume that since I am in love with him I want to be in a relationship with him. But I actually don't. All I want is to be closer friends with him. And even if the YOW were to be over, that is still all I'd want.