Spiritual Battles

In a way this YOW is like a Fast. It's a relationship Fast for me, perhaps for others it is different. I am really deepening on what it means to be married. It has offered tremendous growth for me thus far. During the Fast we go for 12 hours without food or water, it is meant to purify us and quicken our spirits. This YOW is much the same, one year to not be in a relationship is not that long when you look at it from your whole life, and yet, it is very difficult and goes against strong natural drives, however, if respected and followed, can purify and strengthen our spirits.
I am really starting to like this YOW and enjoying not being in a relationship, just being able to concentrate on myself and my own growth. I am not even sure that if the UHJ were to write me saying that I am not obligated to follow the YOW anymore due to my husband's other relationship that I would even want to be in another relationship. I was thinking about my life today, I am so busy! With my kids, my work, taking care of the house, myself, playing and writing music, praying, needs of the Cause - I don't have time for a relationship anyway! This doesn't change the fact that I still adore Boy. But it's totally on the back burner. Since I broke it off with him officially, it's made it easier for me not to escape into those fantasies too.
I had an older man hit on me today. It's friend of my dad's and we've known each other for years. He is like 20 years older than me and has recently broken up with his second wife of 1 year or less. Anyway, he asked me out on a "date" - it was a date masquerading as a picnic, but it was totally a date. I called him on it and suggested hanging out to play music or read spiritual quotes or something. It was such a strange feeling for me. He totally denied there being any such intention, and scampered off the phone rather quickly afterwards, mumbling something about seeing me around. It was weird. Why wouldn't he be straight up and say, this is how I'm feeling, are you into it? The whole thing seems so underhanded and manipulative to me. Yuk. I am happy with how I established the boundary, I said, "I dunno, it sounds like kind of a date to me" and then I suggested areas where our friendship can grow. This is something I never really learned or felt like I had the level of skill I desired in, how to turn men down with respect and courtesy, but also assertively and encourage the relationship I want. So all in all, this is a success. My therapist tells me to really hold on to my successes and to allow myself to notice them. I tend to only pay attention to the things that I don't do well enough, rather than paying attention to what I do do well.
My whole life I have been generally without guidance, My mother didn't offer me much guidance growing up, being more concerned with her own stress, emotions and career. My father is unaware of emotional needs. I feel kind of sad for myself that I sort of grew up without a mother. I therefore, tend to overcompensate with my children. However, the reality is that I am a very caring and nurturing mother to them. The area where I really need to grow with my children is to develop boundaries where I am taking care of myself while I am with them too. And to feel confident in setting those boundaries. My therapist would say that I am already doing it. I think I am, for instance, I'll tell them not to bother me if I am in the middle of something, or on the phone, or if I want to rest, or read. I do do it. I guess I should pay more attention to when I do it and when it works and when I'd like to do it more effectively.
I went for coffee today with another friend of my Dad's. He also recently broke up with his wife. She was cheating on him and he kicked her out, they went to see a therapist for a few months. He threw in the towel after three months. Then he tells me today over coffee, that he has nothing to learn from this, that it's not his fault at all. How arrogant ! I couldn't believe it. I explained to him that we always have something to learn, I explained that 3 months is not long enough, I suggested he stay committed for one year and try to work on whatever he can in his marriage, that marriage is worth it and that his kids are worth it. I gave him good advice, grounded firmly in the Baha'i Faith. He didn't really feel like listening.
It too bad that people let their egos control them. The fact is that these Writings we have are going to be relevant for the next 850 years at least. The people will still be "wandering in the paths of delusion" and "the drunkenness of passion" will still have "perverted most of mankind" 500 years from now. But, it will looks vastly different. Mankind has been created to carry forward an ever-advancing civilization. We are Baha'is. We are on the very apex of that advancement. The spiritual battles we are fighting are going to be the spiritual battles that all of humanity will have to eventually fight. The faster we learn and grow, the better we will be able to guide and teach those that are following us. That is why prayers like the Fire Tablet are so potent, "when the swords flash go forward, when the shafts fly press onward". This prepares us to embrace tests and difficulty and learn from them, going forward with courage and faith. Another prayer says "heros are they, lead them to the field of battle", as Baha'is we are longing to go forward into spiritual battles so that we can teach our fellow citizens what we have learned. Just as it says, "the true lover yearneth for tribulation."
Some tests that I am having recently, are with my three year old, who is being very determined and challenging in her demands, with my father, who has an opinion on my parenting, and refuses to be detached from it, with male attention and drawing firm boundaries with kindness and love, with juggling the demands of home, kids, self, faith, work, finances, fun, friends, prayer, self-expression. There are a lot of areas I can grow in right now.
I actually prayed the other day for some different tests other than the Boy. And I got them. Boy is less and less on my mind and less and less of a preoccupation. Thank you Baha'u'llah for confirming my efforts and for granting me detachment and allowing me to move away from that test, and for leading me safely through it. It was intensely challenging.
There is no reason ever in the Writings for there to even be a YOW started. Aversion, resentment, estrangement, these are all qualities of this world, not of the spiritual world, for we know that the spiritual world bestows only joy, therefore, if partners are feeling these qualities then in theory they can pray, act, reflect on it until they come to contentment. And even if a YOW is started there is no reason for it to ever end in a divorce, if both sides are committed to the Faith. Divorce is against the good-pleasure of God, so how can it be the Will of God? We are allowed to divorce, Baha'u'llah has permitted it. However, we must look at this from the point of view of where we are as humans. We are entering the stage of maturity. Baha'u'llah has granted us the ability to choose our spiritual destiny. We must want to create a spiritual world, it would be simple for God to declare what everyone should do, the bounty and grace of God lies in the fact that He has given us the choice to choose Him. Divorce or marriage is but one example of this choice. And we as a society must mature to the point where we see the value in marriage in in commitment to the marriage vows. Baha'is who stay steadfast to the Laws are that much more ahead of the game. I, for example, may not understand or realize why I am following a YOW, or what benefit will come to me from doing so. But I am stubbornly convinced and determined to carry it through, due to my devotion to the Faith. Perhaps only once the year passes will I be able to see what is so important about this Law. And many Laws are like that for us. We are blessed to have recognized Baha'u'llah and to know what Laws we are to follow in this Age. They protect us from the spiritual battles that the rest of humanity will have to fight on their own. We are therefore able to fight subtler battles and thus explore new spiritual lands.